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Working with people [Aug. 26th, 2016|07:32 pm]
My dept is fascinating. There r arrow-Kings, dedicated soldiers, Siam-queens, tired managers, and the eternal sunshines. And, I'm so lucky I got to be an intern & work with every single one of them.

Working with all these different kinds increased my self awareness of my attitudes and the kind of good and bad effects I contribute to. That awareness helped me to understand how I could manage my own feelings and reactions to avoid producing bad effects, and increase more positive experiences at the workplace.
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Hot air balloon sunset [Aug. 13th, 2016|11:35 pm]
Why I painted this today
I wanted to try out the technique of blending colours as it was something that I didn't feel confident about for a long time.

How did the process go for me:
I had fun sloshing the paint on canvas and just wiping them around from side to side and smashing the colours together without worrying about the outcome, since after all acrylic is very forgiving.
I grew more independent about blending paints and not needing to ask instructor for help too much.
I realised that I can do it! Blending isn't really that hard once you get some practice :)
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Go, explore where your heart takes you [Aug. 2nd, 2016|06:45 pm]
Was reflecting on what my favorite professor said before I graduated...she said, go, explore where ur heart takes u. If u find a connection with research, u can always come back again, or decide to pursue further studies.

Words that I've treasured, they gave me the courage to take a path less trodden after graduating with a Geography major and refusing to go into teaching, which is the mainstream path for most of my batchmates.

Four years later. I have experienced what it feels to be a nobody, when qualifications don't count and little attention is paid to someone who decides to go against the grain of the system. But I met good people along the way, people committed to good work. s, preschool teacher who would take the time and space for a newcomer child, to communicate care and understanding. I met H, who never assumed that I should do less simply bcos of my designation but treated me as a PERSON, in relation to my role as a worker. And I felt very respected and never any less than what others tell me I am, even what I tell myself.

I'm a better person because of these people and the experiences we created. I may have less money, no status and little influence. But my empathy remained intact. My capacity for hope, for goodness in people.

And I hope I continue to grow. To become a person with a big heart just like S and HH who have touched my life in small and big and lasting ways.
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Good humans [Aug. 1st, 2016|09:47 pm]
Bumped into my Neighbour family today..their adopted daughter is now so big already, when she came she was only a toddler.

Caught them hugging each other on their family evening walk.

Good people with good hearts.
It's the remaining good people that I need to hang on to that there's hope and not be overcome by my cynicism.
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orchids extravaganza [Jul. 30th, 2016|09:08 pm]

remaking memories, one year on.
a lesson in persistence, and rebuilding what was lost.

orchids in all shades and colours, dancing before my eyes.

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epiphany sunday [Jul. 24th, 2016|09:34 pm]
[Current Mood |touchedtouched]

not the epiphany sunday of what you get in church with stiff-necked high brow ppl who sing songs and say things that are all politically correct, and god-correct.

But today, today, I realised for the first time in my 27 years of life that if I only had today to live, i want to spend all my time with the people who i care about and who matter a heck lot to me - my mum, joel, carmen, julia, mary-ruth and her parents, grace, joanna, and sarah... xinying, kristel and rachel. lancher, huihui...
the people who have loved me unconditionally, endlessly and through every thick and thin thing i've gone through, subjected myself to, things that threatened to hurt me and things that confused me greatly. the people who show me humanity, love, courage, and kindness. the fearless kind. I am nowhere near the depth they love with . But I can aspire to do the same.

I realised there's never enough time to tell people who love you that you really really, love them back with all your heart. And I decided to tell my mum that, that work matters so little and that family is everything that matters. And she said family never abandons you and I almost cried. I'm crying now typing this because I have been fearful so many times that I'd be abandoned by my mum and now I know that she won't ever, ever do that to me. And my heart is knotted up because of the guilt and heaviness I carry with me of having thought things that weren't true and things that hurt her, and us. And I'm letting this go.....choosing to believe that this IS my family, and family is what it is, you cannot destroy it, try as you might. You can only make it better when it's gone the lowest down of the pits.

And I texted carmen to tell her that I missed her and that I had this epiphany. And she said we can always remember to say this aloud more. we don't always remember this. not in sg, not in competitive, cut-throat sg where you can't be sure who's your friend and who's your foe sometimes especially at work... but for those i've come to trust, and love, they deserve better than the little i'd been giving all this while.

help me to love, generously, fearlessly.
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earrings [Jul. 24th, 2016|08:36 pm]
[Current Location |home]
[Current Mood |calmcalm]
[Current Music |classical]

After 3 years, I put earrings in my earholes again.
I stopped then because they were getting red and infected.
Now the coast looks fairly clear, and am glad the studs could still fit all the way through without that annoying closed up skin that I hear so many people who took out their earrings had!

I like how elegant having earrings on make me feel. =)
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Death threats and Adventures [May. 8th, 2014|12:56 pm]
met with ky last night, and shared the latest happenings with both of us.
death threats and police reports in her field of work,
the constant anxiety of being watched
chicken-and-egg problem in my job application, and the
frustration of doors so tightly shut
our solo hikes in foreign lands,
the nights that fell, our phone batteries running low, no one in sight.
our salvation, in taxis that appear in the most far-flung places, and in foreign workers' reassurance,
that i'm in safe hands.
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the doors that shut and open [Nov. 17th, 2013|09:39 pm]
the many wonderings, wanderings, and uncertainty came home to this phrase by a dear sister at church today.

"if there is a choice, pick one and do it. if it is not meant for you, the doors will shut."

how strange to hear it and realise i have forgotten this principle at work in my own life...

- the first finland job application that didn't work out
- break up with T
- numerous failed job interviews for corporate work

and the doors that opened:

- landing up in a cross-cultural workplace in the finance industry and finally getting a decent salary
- chancing upon various art exhibitions that inspired me - MadderMoon textile screenprinting, Reading Room art therapy exhibition
- SMK potters' studio through my ex-boss @ the preschool
- finding art therapists through friends

some of the doors i walk through very later on after they were first shown to me, some i did not ask for, some i prayed so very hard for.

knowing this and understanding the pattern that's happened before helps me to have courage - in facing what lies ahead.

Pottery classes soon, and much travelling ahead next year!
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overdue updates [Nov. 17th, 2013|09:23 pm]
it's been awhile since i have blogged.

where do i begin?

the most significant thing that has happened recently would be the release i've found in coming to terms with my family.

quite honestly, i held on to the sense of dread, disappointment, bitterness towards my family and my parents for a really long time.

it has since been replaced with compassion to the hurts that have gone on, new understanding to all the 'whys' i've subconsciously asked myself over and over in the years growing up, and courage to love, and to start a new narrative of what God is doing in and through my life.
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